Someone called Mehul Kamdar needs to be able to laugh at his own name before he could look at others.' I guess, over the years, I have become used to my name, unusual at best, being mangled by otherwise very nice people. From the "Meheel Kamthar" on my ration card to the most unusual variation that I have ever seen, "Malcolm U, Dr" on a railway ticket that I once reserved on a trip to Delhi (I am neither a doctor nor a Christian) there have been many variations. Now, whenever I feel irked by a new mangling of my name - in the US I usually become "Miguel" and some people even seem to think that I am Mexican, though I have never unbderstood how they reach that conclusion, I thank my stars that I don't have a more unusual name.

 

There is this friend of mine, whose parents must have hated him even more than mine did me. They named him Munisiddhalingam. Every time an American tried to pronounce his name, my friend has to reach for his cell phone and be ready to dial 911 in case the person develops a stroke. Another friend, Vedagiri, often finds his name converted to sound like one of my favourite dishes at home, Vadaicurry. Now, just imagine if someone called Mapillaisamy (I do know someone with that name) or Bhoochakravarti were to travel in the USA. All of a sudden, US immigration officials would demand higher health insurance premiums to be paid for them becuse they would find themselves in a terrible plight over pronouncing these names.

 

But then, Americans, and indeed other Occidentals who have strange names have similar problems, sometimes over here as well as in the rest of the world. Many years ago there was a joke that said that Americans elected Presidents whose names they could pronounce. Which was why Michael Dukakis did not get elected. After Dukakis, every candidate has had names that people here could easily pronounce. In those times, in the rest of the Occidental world, there were some strange electoral battles. Australia had a Prime Minister and a challenger, both of whose surnames were the names of different kinds of birds - Bob Hawke and Andrew Peacock. I have written before about a teacher, Mrs Greenwood, whom we called "Thirumathi Pachaimaram" in school. But, imagine someone in Indian customs or immigratin trying to pronounce Egbert Rudolf van Kampen or Norbert Krapf?

 

Ah, I have now found something to unite the whole world! Come everyone with an unusual name - there are many of us! Come, O Bhabhootmals and Bhuckaks, come O Younghusbands and Kharfan Dabajas, come Bhadrudus and Winthrops! Let us form a global peace movement showing tolerance to those who mangle our very names! We shall show the way to a peaceful world by merely ignoring those who persist in mispronouncing words that mean so much to us and by teaching those who are willing how to pronounce our names properly. Thus, shall we achieve friendship between the west and east, and, hopefully, even save the lives of immigration and customs officials around the world!